Crappy Day..

Crappy day.. WTF..

曹 操 - 林 俊 杰

不 是英 雄 不 读 三 国

若 是 英 雄 怎 么 能 不 懂 寂 寞

独 自 走 下 长 板 坡 月 光 太温 柔

曹 操 不 罗 嗦 一 心 要 那荆 州

用 阴 谋 阳 谋 明 说暗 夺 的 摸

东 汉 末 年 分 三 国 烽 火 连 天 不 休

儿 女 情 长 没 法 执 着 有 谁 来 煮 酒

尔 虞 我 诈 是 三 国 说 不 清 对 与 错

纷 纷 扰 扰 千 百 年 以 后一 切 又 从 头

不 是英 雄 不 读 三 国

若 是 英 雄 怎 么 能 不 懂 寂 寞

独 自 走 下 长 板 坡 月 光 太温 柔

曹 操 不 罗 嗦 一 心 要 那荆 州

用 阴 谋 阳 谋 明 说暗 夺 的 摸

东 汉 末 年 分 三 国 烽 火 连 天 不 休

儿 女 情 长 没 法 执 着 有 谁 来 煮 酒

尔 虞 我 诈 是 三 国 说 不 清 对 与 错

纷 纷 扰 扰 千 百 年 以 后一 切 又 从 头

独 自走 下 长 板 坡 月 光 太温 柔

曹 操 不 罗 嗦 一 心 要 那荆 州

用 阴 谋 阳 谋 明 说暗 夺 的 摸

东 汉 末 年 分 三 国 烽 火 连 天 不 休

儿 女 情 长 没 法 执 着 有 谁 来 煮 酒

尔 虞 我 诈 是 三 国 说 不 清 对 与 错

纷 纷 扰 扰 千 百 年 以 后一 切 又 从 头

CBD

no la.. not Central Business District but Compulsive Blogging Disorder.. yeah, thatz what I think I'm suffering from at the moment.. even after the two rounds of verbal diarrhoea earlier on, I still am feeling the urge to blog some more.. I don't know why.. CBD.. argh..

oh well, running out of issues to discuss, so let's bore you with the usual mundane stuff again then.. hmm.. doing lesson plans as usual, reaching a maximum speed of 2 LP/hr (for the uninitiated, thatz 2 lesson plans per hour), which I think is pretty fast la.. haha.. of coz, thatz just the LPs la.. not including the accompanying worksheets la, powerpoint la, samples la.. blah blah.. accessories sold seperately, batteries not included.. u get the idea..

had my first formal CT observation for E Lang yesterday too, passed all, thatz wat really matters ain't it? one thing my CT said struck me.. again, can't rem the exact words, but they meant something to the effect of "you have very good worksheets, but you don't utilise them to their full potential" which I somehow juz drew a parallel to a brillant tatician who never seems capable enough to execute his/her plans to maximum effect..

is that down to a lack of experience? or is that just something lacking in me? not that I'm really affected by that, becoz I realise that about myself too.. (I meant the very good worksheets part la.. haha..) so well, I don't know.. maybe you can help me answer that.. another round of observation coming up this Friday.. by my EL CT again, and this time accompanied by the SCM who happens to be my ELL HOD as well.. siao liao lor.. and my sup should be coming next week.. oh well, narrow window in the practicum period for observations I guess.. itz scary how your future hangs in the balance for a comparatively short period of three weeks.. =P argh.. enough of observations.. I have 7 to go, 5 after Friday.. so well, that's half of them gone.. almost..

feeling kinda lost tonight.. wondering why too.. perhaps coz I've been typing too much here.. but I think it's coz I'm feeling lost which is why I'm typing so much here.. trying to find a direction somewhere, but it's just not happening.. left sch really early today, 2pm in fact, went for lunch with my fellow trainee, then headed home.. wanted to sleep but couldn't, so stayed awake and did 4 lesson plans which I owed myself.. (meant for prev lessons actually).. don't get me wrong, I did plan the lessons, juz that I didn't type them out, scribbling them on recycled paper instead..

students are a weird bunch.. when you expect them to behave, they don't, and when you don't expect them to behave, they don't as well.. weird rite? anyway, was doing relief today, so went in, kids came fifteen minutes late, nvm.. still made so much noise, so basically blasted them and they were like angels for the next half an hr.. which makes me wonder.. why not behave in the first place to spare yourself that roasting? or does good behaviour only come after the "hair dryer" treatment? I'm really tempted to believe the latter.. and so far, it's been proven right..

and oh, something really funny.. during that relief class.. walked past this kid who suddenly said.. "cher, u smell good".. gosh.. if it's the first period, I might agree la.. but this was like 1315, 15 minutes before sch ends.. and I had 4 periods todae in class.. so well.. I don't know.. you smell me.. oops.. I meant, you tell me.. which reminds me.. this kid who came up to me and told me "cher, your hair the side very nice.. how u style one?", and I was like.. "er, ask the barber to cut slope?".. funny how kids notice everything else but the stuff that you want them to take note of.. "cher, you got say must bring meh?", "huh, got write on the board meh?", "cher, I never hear leh.." being very obvious examples of that huh.. oh well..

anyway, was talking to david the other day.. about notti kids and good kids.. and how there can be many students who can spoil your day, but how it takes just one kid to make your day, to make you smile and think it's all worth it.. my CT certainly thinks so too.. and I definitely think so too.. have experienced it already and it just makes everything else so unimportant, except maybe the issue about teachers not being allowed to blog.. haha.. these are the moments I call the "Kodak moments of your heart" I guess..

hmm.. guess I've blabbered enough for tonight and for many nights to come.. but there's the most important, most special persion that I want to reserve the remaining words for..

to my dearest leng, know that we've both been really busy and all, and that I don't have much time to pei you, but I want you to know that you're always there in my mind, and that special place in my heart.. guess it was really fate that we both ended up at the same place last saturday even though we didn't arrange to meet up huh.. well, do take care at work alrite, and as always, won't promise you eternal love, but hope as always too, that a lifetime is enough.. Love you..

Frenship..

this is a post that I promised my student.. ex-student actually.. actually I kinda forgot what I was supposed to tok about, but guess I'll just anyhow 'hantam' and hopefully hit the stupid nail on the head.. alritey, so here goes..

hmm.. frenship.. always hard to understand huh.. funny why we quarrel with frens, especially when they are supposed to be our frens.. oh well, that's becoz diff pple have diff personalities and preferences I guess.. but like in all human relationships, there is always a need to compromise I guess..

eternal frenship? anyone buys that? I don't.. and I mean it.. I mean, when you die, the frenship dies too rite.. but thatz not the point.. hah.. anti-climax.. oh well, what I actually mean is that people change, circumstances change, everything changes with time.. even time changes with time.. so well, someone that we are comfortable with now may outgrow our comfort zone and make us really uncomfortable in future, especially during adoloscence, when you are still seeking an identity for yourself.. one day, that geeky fren who has always been by your side may make you seem "tak glam" and you might want to distance yourself from him/her forever.. or you may be that geeky fren.. hah.. u get my point la..

was watching that ah beng film by royston tan "15" and was really struck by something the ah beng said to his frens.. something to the extent of "can be frens for how long then be lor.. if cannot then say lor", or something like that la.. can't remember.. which I believe in.. totally.. I mean, who is to predict what will happen in future.. every day that you are frens is one day more, and that is something really special I believe.. to be able to have a true fren.. why waste that time quarrelling or fighting some nonsensical cold war? stocking up on nuclear weapons ar? madness..

like that sovil et titus ad, which seems to have disappeared by the way.. the "不在乎天长地久, 只在乎曾经拥有.." thingy.. nothing is eternal, and it's better to appreciate what you have now before it is gone.. for you will never know when that just might happen..

this all appears very disjointed.. have too many thought processes running in my head now really.. so well, guess thatz all I'll have for now.. before I confuse myself or you or anybody else who's reading this, or not reading this.. wateva.. see, told you I'm confused.. hello!! (DARN!!)

50th post..

hmm.. just realised that this is my 50th post.. nothing much, just realised it, so must put down lor.. aniwaes, after that super long n confusing post, thought I'd take a break before continuing, but just had this overwhelming desire to blog today.. no idea why, just know I must..

alrite.. anyone read Sunday Times Life section? the article where they were saying whether teachers should blog or not.. that got me thinking.. the question that I was thinking about was definitely not whether teachers should blog or not because I don't think that should be an issue at all.. the question I was really thinking about can't exactly be replicated in full here, so I shall paraphrase it as "What's the problem with that?".. yep..

is there a problem with teachers blogging? what professional conduct and all.. hmm.. yes, definitely, we have to maintain a sense of decorum and be professional and all, but blogging is mostly an outlet through which we blow off steam.. would they rather we scream and shout at all the kids that make us angry? or keep it all inside until we blow up?

whatever it is, I feel very strongly that this is not an issue at all.. of coz, that doesn't mean that we have the right to abuse this freedom, after all, we are, much more than others, in a position to affect the minds of our youth, and as teachers, should be a role model for our kids.. but then again, there should be nothing wrong with harmless complaining is there? and also updating our peers about what's happening to us..

in fact, it can even be an avenue with which we reach out to our students.. there are certain things that we do not display in class, like disappointment or anger, which we can express on our blogs.. and if students chance upon them, they might realise it.. or not.. whatever.. but my point is, teaching is afterall, a profession, a job, perhaps one which encompasses much more responsibility than others, but we don't sell our freedom when we take up that responsibility..

true, it is unprofessional for a teacher to complain about a fellow colleague, but is it less unprofessional when anyone complains about his/her colleague? why is the issue magnified when it comes to teachers? not just about blogging, but also teachers who drink, teachers who smoke.. blah blah.. why turn the spotlight to teachers always? why the double standards? is it becoz people still think it is a cushy half day job of a past long gone and forgotten?

well, I don't know what I'm ranting about here really.. I juz felt really disturbed when I saw that article.. I'm teaching becoz I want to make a difference in my students' lives, but if that entails a drastic changing of my own lifestyle (as if waking up at 530am for someone who used to sleep at 6am is not a drastic enough change), I might start to wonder if it's all worth it.. Why invite all that public scrutiny upon myself? well, if you have what it takes, teach.. how true.. how very true..

What is "Moving On"?

alrite.. I was looking ard at blogs as usual, and came across this.. being as kpo as I usually am, and being bored now, I've decided to offer my view on what's moving on.. sure beats having to do lesson plans and mark worksheets..

hmm.. how do I begin? let's use something familiar I guess.. ever waited ages for a bus at a bus stop late at night and somehow it never seemed to appear? do you wait on, or do you do something else? sometimes you wait, because you are not ready to give up, you're not ready to move on.. so you wait and you wait, for that last bus to arrive..

other times, you flag down the next cab that comes your way and juz get home.. this ensures that you get home quick but it burns a hole in the pocket.. this is done provided you know exactly where you want to move on to, and you are willing to pay the price for it, be it monetary or emotionally.. it usually has repurcussions as well, such as missing out on buying that bag you've been eyeing for the longest time, or wateva.. u get the point..

yet at other times, you decide to move on slowly.. in stages.. setting targets you can see.. for example.. you decide to walk to the next bus stop before waiting again.. but as you walk, you constantly turn back because you're afraid that the bus might come.. this is natural, but this slows your walk to the next stop.. you constantly wonder if it was a wrong move to even step away from the bus stop in the first place, so you unwillingly walk towards the next one..

as you walk, you near the next one, and you quicken our pace in case the bus comes along now.. but when you arrive and you wait, you realise that the bus is still not coming.. do you wait, or do you walk on? and so it goes, making choices at every stop, choosing to wait or walk on.. you feel satisfied each time you reach a new stop, a new resting point, but silently you hope that the bus still comes, don't we all? but unknowingly, you are also getting nearer to where you hope to be eventually, if you've chosen to walk on from stop to stop..

this is what most of us do when moving on.. we take small tentative steps at first, afraid of the consequences, not knowing that each tentative step takes us further away from where we began and nearer to where we want to go.. when the goal we aim for is within distance, we hurry along, still harbouring hopes of getting what we had wanted.. as we walk further, our hopes of getting what we had wanted fade, and our eventual destination seem so much nearer..

of course, there are times when you are halfway between two bus stops and you're dead tired.. you curse your luck, you swear at anything, and you feel like giving up.. you sit down on the pavement and you cry, you rant.. but do you stand up and walk on, or do you continue sitting down? it's now too far to walk back to where you started, so what do you do?

there may be a chance that the bus zooms past you while you're halfway between stops, so how do you deal with that? do you stand by the roadside and flag insanely, hoping that the driver somehow picks you up? do you grieve that lost chance, and curse your stupidity for walking in the first place? or do you brace yourself together and tell yourself to walk on, knowing that it's not fated to be? I wonder what I'll do too..

well.. no matter whether you wait, you take a cab, or you walk, there are consequences that you have to bear, and who knows what these consequences may be.. what really matters is that you make the choice that you are comfortable with at that point of time and you live by it without regrets.. do not walk because that man or woman at the bus stop tells you that the bus has left because how can you be truly sure that he or she is right? only when you're convinced that the bus has left do you leave the bus stop..

yep.. guess this is really heading nowhere, so I won't confuse anyone anymore with my ramblings.. if this somehow made sense to you, I hope it helps.. if it doesn't, don't worry, I'm sure you're not the only one.. whatever it is, moving on, to me, simply means doing what you feel comfortable doing at that point in time.. and remember, there are always countless checkpoints between the starting and finishing line.. cheers..

Two down, eight more to go

Just had my first observation by my NSC today, decided to get my CT to do it as well, might as well rite.. so on it went, for one and a half long hours.. guess it was generally ok, other than certain students here and there, and the usual stuff.. at least this class was ok la..
so there it is, my first and second observation in the same day, same lesson, that makes life so much easier now, and the hols are like next week.. if only I can honestly say that I have nothing to do during the hols and just relax.. if only..
tonnes of lesson plans still to prepare, work to mark, not forgetting the enrichment project that was bestowed upon us since our days in NIE, oh well, a one week break from monotony, and lots more other work..
so well, thatz abt it I guess, and oh.. thanks for all the encouragement from all.. if only my students understood my point as well.. but then again, will they ever?

What would you do?

What would you do, if you had a whole class of students who simply are not motivated, who have really weak foundation yet refuse to learn?

What would you do, if they have given up on themselves, and feels as if the whole world has given up on them?

What would you do? Would you try to get round to them and knock some sense into them, or would you simply give up on them like they themselves have?

What would you do? I wonder..

Second Week of Practicum..

hmm.. into the second week of prac, have started teaching, and so far, guess it's been ok.. first lesson was rather bad, but somehow, it juz seemed to get better (fingers crossed, toes crossed) and hopefully it will be ok for the next 9 or 10 weeks..

settling in rather well too, so thatz fine as well.. been kinda busy, somehow found time today to blog, and thot, why not.. haven't been doing it for quite some time anyways.. but then again, nothing much to really talk about too..

not many complaints, nothing really good to talk abt too.. hah.. oh.. countless lesson plans.. but these are like.. oh well, getting used to it.. hmm.. shall advertise here then.. eh.. anyone has like SEC3 N(A) ENGLISH LPs or SEC3 N(T) EOA LPs? willing to exchange or take them from you for free.. oh, btw, if you need these but don't have any of your own, I'm always willing to discuss prices..

ah well.. getting mercenary.. haha.. thatz abt that I guess.. as I already said.. nothing much to talk about.. yep.. do visit my johari window if you haven't (refer post below this one)!! cheers.. =)