Wanted to post earlier, but my laptop refused to load the "Create Post" page, so didn't exactly have much choice. Finished up my part of the Ed Psy presentation, still felt like posting, so decided to give it a try, and therefore, this post..
Was counting the number of assignments, big and small, and tests over the next 10 days, and it came to a mind-boggling count of 11.. my goodness.. that freaked me out a little, which explains why I'm up at this time.. juz finished the Ed Psy thingy as I mentioned, have a very good mind to start on my ICT PBL, but guess I'll do that when I wake up tmr before the darned Ed Psy class.. *gasping for breath*
Only thing that keeps me going is the fact that everyone else is suffocating too, and well, also that in 2 weeks time, things will start to wind down, and I can really take a breather.. Now I know why it's called a breather.. coz it's the only time I can bloody breathe.. normally at least.. have been slacking for the last 2 weeks, so guess it's really payback time.. but that's how I operate.. late nights and pressing deadlines.. my cup of kopi-o-kao-siu-tai.. (especially good for late nites.. and I mean late nites.. ok, maybe early mornings too)
went to a wake of a friend's father earlier today, really makes me think about the unpredictability of death. I mean, what if I've done so much here in NIE just to get out of here and get down to teaching, and before I achieve it, I die.. would it all be worth the effort then? but yet again, if I don't do well here, then I'll really die man.. imagine trying to pay back the bond.. think I'll leave that for another day..
life and death is so unpredictable.. it strikes when you least expect it, but we don't go around expecting people around us to drop like flies, or do we? guess it muz reallie take someone reallie reallie dark to expect that, but no matter how much we're prepared for it, how can one cope with such a great loss? I certainly don't wish to lose someone that I treasure a lot, but who am I to prevent it from happening?
guess it's really a matter of treasuring what you have while it lasts.. life, family, friends, everything that means something to you.. it is often said that you'll never treasure something until you lose it, and how true.. how true indeed.. it doesn't even need to be a loved one, juz something that you own but never really appreciated it's existence until it gives up on you. like that watch that you've always left in the drawer and not bothered to look at.. you won't feel it's presence until it's not there anymore.. friends too..
people naturally get closer with people they spend more time with, while neglecting others that they have known for a long time.. yet these friends that you have known for a long time always are in the background, waiting for a day that they may be of help to you.. somehow, they are never really appreciated until they are really needed, or are gone from your life for good..
human relations are a complex matter, humans themselves, are complex enough, let alone the dynamics of two or more people.. there's not enough grey matter in my skull at this moment to process what I really think about it, but there's one thing I know.. that's to make the most of what I have, and to really appreciate all the good things that come in life.. nothing's perfect in this world, good and bad things come together in hateful packages (oh, why can't I just get all the good stuff), but yet, many of us just choose to dwell on the bad things that happen to us..
this obsession with the bad things often blind us to other good things that are happening around us, to us, and it is often when we have finished with our endless self-pity that we realise that that certain dark cloud that has passed us by actually had a silver lining.. but wait, it's too late.. the silver lining has passed over us just like that dark cloud.. we failed to see that silver lining because all that we were obsessed with was that dark cloud which would make our lives gloomy and sad..
hence, what I'm trying to say is.. actually, I don't know what I'm really driving at, but hey, every bad thing in this world that happens to you must be balanced by something good.. it may not happen now, but later on in life, it will appear.. keep your eyes open, don't be blinded by all the misfortunes that befall you, so as to catch that silver lining, that magnificient rainbow arc when the dark clouds blow over.. to all those who are going through tough times now, hang in there, and look forward to what tomorrow might bring..
to my dearest, my one and only, I love you, I love you, I love you more than words can ever describe. When I said that you're my universe, and that without the universe, all the stars wouldn't matter, I mean it, and I still mean it now. I may not be able to promise you an eternity, but I hope that a lifetime can serve as an inadequate replacement for that eternity..
