What now?
today was weird.. woke up feeling rather energetic, probably the fact that I slept early the previous night helped.. was juz so damn tired that I didn't mark anything at all, even though I got home super early.. but oh well.. at least I got my rest..
so well, as I was saying, felt rather energetic, but yet had that hollow, empty feeling in me.. So got to school with an "artificial high" or sort of.. day started off pretty fine, did some marking, then had meeting, then did some more marking.. which is amazing, coz I haven't done so much for so long.. yup.. been feeling that jaded..
then class was.. I don't know.. I felt good today coz I talked for almost 3 periods, non-stop.. not an ideal way of teaching, but i felt that sense of satisfaction rising in me again, that I was really giving my all again in class.. ok, maybe not my all all, but it's closer to the standard that I'm happy with, and that was a really good feeling..
maybe, just maybe, that little bit of passion left inside, which is still trying hard to burn, may spark into flame again, and get me going, but I'm really so so tired.. and after the class, I literally juz stood there for at least half a minute, too tired to consider what to do next.. And what happened next was that the feeling of emptiness just came back again.. Sometimes, I feel close to the students, yet at times, they seem so distant.. I don't know..
Seriously, I've never come to a point where I really consider if I'll be around after 3 years.. This is probably the first time, and I do remember telling myself that the day I totally lose that passion, that desire to go into class and teach, I'll quit.. I came dangerously close this past couple of weeks, and I don't know.. Should I, shouldn't I? What now?
so well, as I was saying, felt rather energetic, but yet had that hollow, empty feeling in me.. So got to school with an "artificial high" or sort of.. day started off pretty fine, did some marking, then had meeting, then did some more marking.. which is amazing, coz I haven't done so much for so long.. yup.. been feeling that jaded..
then class was.. I don't know.. I felt good today coz I talked for almost 3 periods, non-stop.. not an ideal way of teaching, but i felt that sense of satisfaction rising in me again, that I was really giving my all again in class.. ok, maybe not my all all, but it's closer to the standard that I'm happy with, and that was a really good feeling..
maybe, just maybe, that little bit of passion left inside, which is still trying hard to burn, may spark into flame again, and get me going, but I'm really so so tired.. and after the class, I literally juz stood there for at least half a minute, too tired to consider what to do next.. And what happened next was that the feeling of emptiness just came back again.. Sometimes, I feel close to the students, yet at times, they seem so distant.. I don't know..
Seriously, I've never come to a point where I really consider if I'll be around after 3 years.. This is probably the first time, and I do remember telling myself that the day I totally lose that passion, that desire to go into class and teach, I'll quit.. I came dangerously close this past couple of weeks, and I don't know.. Should I, shouldn't I? What now?
posted by Fallen Angel at 23:10
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