Back maybe?

It's been almost a year.. It's been a long time.. It's been a trying time, and still is.. Many emotions that were long kept away were relived in this past year, some good, some bad, many to be treasured, many to be forgotten.. One year is a long time, and yet, one year is such a short time too..

I don't know what got me back here again to start posting again.. perhaps looking at a certain someone's blog and how it somehow reaches out to me without actually talking to me.. perhaps I'm at the stage again where I need somewhere to park my emotions..

Been keeping a lot inside me, been bottling it all up.. The smiling face that greets you everyday is a front, and I suppose good enough to convince many that I'm fine, but I know I'm not.. I don't feel right.. I'm jaded..

Worrying thoughts.. recently I actually entertained the thoughts of leaving.. before my 3 years are up.. It's just the combination of so many things, things that happened, that are happening, that will happen, and there's really just so much that one can bottle away, and I think I've filled my fair share of bottles..

I'm kind of alternating between extreme moods, and the dark side seems to be prevailing a little more that the cheerful side.. so much so that people are asking me why I'm like wearing my grumpy mask, and someone even told me that she noticed that I've been smiling less.. Well, to be honest, I'm almost at a point where I can't even be bothered to hide how I feel anymore..

Ok.. very very random.. I don't know what I'm trying to say here, but that's really what's in me now.. Conflicting thoughts, and courses of actions that contradict one another.. perhaps the june hols will come in good time for me.. I hope..

Goodbye my lover.. Goodbye my friend.. You have been the one, you have been the one for me.. To you: Whether you see this or not,I really wanna just tell you that you can never imagine how your appearing in my life has helped me so so much, and I can't even start trying to relate that to you.. It's almost time for you to leave, and I'm happy coz you're off to a better place, but I'm really really going to miss you so so much.. Goodbye my lover.. Goodbye my friend.. You have been the one, you have been the one for me..